Steven: Nooooooo! This can’t be happening! This has to be a dream! *hugs Lars* Lars, Lars! Please tell me I’m dreaming!
Lars: Get off me man, I’m stocking here!
Sadie: I’m sorry, Steven, I guess they stopped making them.
Steven: Stopped making them?! Why in the world would they stop making Cookie Cats? They’re only the most scrumptious and delicious ice cream sandwich ever made! Don’t they have laws for this?!
Lars: *heavy sigh* Tough bits, man. Nobody buys them anymore. *stocks* I guess they couldnompete with Lion Lickers.
Steven: *anguished groan* Not Lion Lickers, nobody likes them. They don’t even look like lions. Kids these days! I’ll tell you what!
Lars: *chuckle* Well, if you miss your wimpy ice cream so much, why don’t you make some with your *mockingly* "magic belly button"? Ahahahahaha!
Steven: That’s not how it works, Lars!... Right? *holds stomach and sighs* Oh, sweet Cookie Cats, with your crunchy cookie outside and your icy creamy insides. You were too good for this world. (kisses freezer)
Sadie: Uh...Steven? *Steven says nothing as he hugs the freezer*, *Lars looks at Steven* Do you want to take the freezer with you? *Steven nods*
Steven: Hey guys, you won’t believe this— *Steven is suddenly attacked by a centipeetle* Aaaah!
Amethyst: *uses whip to yank centipeetle off Steven* Sup’, Steven?
Steven: Awesome! What are these things?
Pearl: *lifts up centipeetle, groans* Sorry, Steven, we’ll get these centipeetles out of your room. We think they were trying to get into the temple.
Steven: Aw, you don't have to get rid of them. They’re really cool. *centipeetle spits acid onto floor*
Amethyst: *picks nose* Um, you guys, these things don’t have gems.
Garnet: That means there must be a mother somewhere nearby.
Pearl: We should probably find it before anyone gets hurt.
Steven: Oh, oh! Can I come?! Can I, can I?!
Pearl: Steven, until you learn to control the powers in your gem, *snaps centipeetle’s neck* we’ll take care of protecting humanity, okay?
Steven: Aw, man. *notices a centipeetle raiding the fridge* Hey! Get out of there! Go on, shoo shoo! Aw, they got into everything. Not cool! *notices fridge is full of Cookie Cats* No way... it can't be! W-where did you get these?! I thought they stopped making them!
Pearl: Well, we heard that too, and since they’re your favorite— *Amethyst jumps in*
Amethyst: We went out and stole a bunch!
Pearl: *glares at Amethyst angrily* I went back and paid for them.
Garnet: The whole thing was my idea.*retracts gauntlets back to her gems*
Amethyst: It was everyone’s idea.
Garnet: Not really.
Pearl: All that matters is that Steven is happy.
Steven: *begins to rap* Oooooh, he’s a frozen treat with a whole new taste, because he came to this planet from outer space. A refugee of an interstellar war, but now he’s at your local grocery store. Cookie Cat! He’s a pet for your tummy! Cookie Cat! He’s super duper yummy! Cookie Cat! He left his family behind! Cookie Caaat! *murmurs* Now available at Gurvhen's off route 109.
(Gems burst out in laughter and applause)
Steven: I can't believe you did this. I’m gonna save these forever! Right after I eat this one. Hello, old friend. *bites into one* Oh, so good! *Steven’s gem begins to glow* I like to eat the ears first.
Amethyst: Uh, Steven...
Steven: Wha? Ah, my gem!
Amethyst: Quick, try and summon your weapon!
Steven: I don’t know how! *panicking* Ah, its fading! How do I make it come back?!
Pearl: Calm down, Steven. Breathe, don't force it.
Amethyst: Yeah, and try not to poop yourself either.
Garnet: Please, don't.
(Gem glow fades away, collective sigh)
Steven: Ah, I was really close that time! Can one of you just explain how to summon a weapon?
Pearl: *singsong voice* Oh, I'll go first!
(Ext. Hill with a blossoming tree whose petals are falling- Pearl and Steven)
Pearl: Pay attention to these petals, Steven. The petal’s dance seems improvised, but it is being calculated in real time based on the physical properties of this planet. With hard work and dedication, you can master the magical properties of your gem and perform your own dance! *summons spear* Like so.
(Ext. Outside the Big Donut- Amethyst and Steven)
Steven: *picks up pile of petals and tosses them in the air* Wah!
Amethyst: Did Pearl tell you the "petal thing"?
Steven: Yeah, I need to practice really hard so I can dance like a tree... I think.
Amethyst: Listen Steven, all that practice stuff is no fun. Whenever I need to summon my weapon, it just happens. *summons whip and breaks garbage container in two* See? Didn’t try at all.
Lars: *runs out back and drops trash bag* Huh?! Again?!
(Ext. top of Crystal Temple near light house- Garnet and Steven)
Steven: So I'm supposed to work really hard and not try at all at the same time?
Garnet: Yes. Or... you could link your mind with the energy of all existing matter. Channeling the collective power of the universe through your gem, which results in— *summons her gauntlets* Or at least that’s my way of doin’ it.
(Int. Steven’s Room- Steven and Gems)
Steven: I think my best bet is to recreate what happened the last time my gem glowed. So... *points* Garnet and Amethyst were here. Pearl was next to the fridge. Hmm. Amethyst, I think your arms were crossed?
Amethyst: Okay, your majesty. *crosses arms*
Steven: And Pearl, your foot was like this. *moves it at the angle it was*
Pearl: I don't think it works this way Steven.
Steven: And Garnet, uh... *moves her face upward* Yeah.
Steven: Then I took a bite of this Cookie Cat. Oh, wait! I sang the song first. Uh, he’s a frozen treat, all new taste, interstellar war, now available at Ghurven’s. Ah, it was funnier last time. *sigh* Maybe I’m not a real Crystal Gem.
Pearl: *bends down next to Steven* Don't be silly, Steven. Of course you are.
Amethyst: And you’re fun to have around, even if your gem is useless. *Pearl glares angrily at Amethyst* I... mean, you’re one of us, Steven. We're not the Crystal Gems without you! *Garnet nods*
Steven: Yeah, even if I don't have powers, I still got... Cookie Cat! *takes a bite* Oh, so good. *Steven’s gem glows then summons his shield, collective gasp*
Pearl: *amazed* Steven, it's a shield!
Steven: Whoa, what?! I get a shield?! Oooh... yeah! *accidentally launches shield which ricochets around the room, breaking a TV; Amethyst bursts out laughing* Huh? Cookie Cat! I summon my weapon by eating ice cream!
Pearl: *picks up wrapper* What’s in these things? *house rumbles*
Steven: What was that?
(Ext. Crystal Temple- Gems and Steven observe Centipeetle Mother and several centipeetles crawl atop the temple)
Garnet: It’s the Mother! *leaps towards it*
Pearl: Stay in the house, Steven!
Steven: No way, I'm coming too! *goes back to grab several Cookie Cats and freezer*
(the Gems chase the mother which leads them to the back of the temple and attacks, the Gems take cover behind a broken hand statue as acid is pouring over the side)
Amethyst: We could really use Steven’s shield right about now.
Steven: *chucks pebble at mother* Hey! *plants freezer* Leave them alone!
Gems: Steven, - no!
Steven: Cookie Cat Crystal combo powers, activate! *eats a cookie cat and nothing happens* Uh-oh. Aaaah! *retreats further back*
Pearl: We need to save Steven!
Amethyst: Can we save ourselves first?!
Steven: Goodbye, my friends. *eats several cookie cats and nothing happens* Why isn't it working? *retreats once more*
Garnet: Steven! *holds back mother’s pincers*
Steven: *sees destroyed freezer, gasps* No... Oh, no no no no no!... *slowly* Cookie Cat, he’s a pet for your tummy. Cookie Cat, he’s super duper yummy! *picks up freezer, more aggressively* Cookie Cat, he left his family behind! Cookie Caaat! *chucks freezer at mother which shocks it* Now available... nowhere.
Garnet: Gems, weapons! Let’s do it.
(Gems burst from cover and attack all at once, destroying the mother, a gem falls and Garnet bubbles it away)
Steven: Farewell, sweet Cookie Cats. I’ll always remember the time we spent together. *stomach rumbles* Shh, hush now.
Amethyst: Are you crying?
Steven: *shouts* Only a little!
Amethyst: Well, I guess your powers don’t come from ice cream.
Pearl: Of course they don't come from ice cream. Don't worry, Steven, I'm sure some day you'll figure out how to activate your gem.
Garnet: Yes, in your own Steven-y way.
Steven: I’m okay guys, really. I just— *stomach rumbles* Ugh, I think I ate too many Cookie Cats.
(Gems laugh, Steven laughs anxiously, then vomits)